there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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