So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
