I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
