dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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