Define "chronic" masturbator.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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