He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
