Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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