you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
