yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
