She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
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I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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