i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
