I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
