YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
