Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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