There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
