I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
