So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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