take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
