my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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