I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
