she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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