i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
