God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
