You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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