it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
