I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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