i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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