Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
