So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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