Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
