I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
