WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
