I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
