Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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