That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
