I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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