my mouth tastes like poor choices
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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