Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
