Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
