So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
