So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize