My underwear smells like fireworks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
