i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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