How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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