Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
