She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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