I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
