ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
