The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
