saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
