I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
