I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
