Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
