My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
