I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
