sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Randomize
