whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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