Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
