On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
