Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
