she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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