her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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