So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
