I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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