i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
