I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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