her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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