Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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