I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
