What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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