Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
