Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
