I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
