I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
