I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
