Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
