you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
