Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
