she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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