I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize