Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
