I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
